JOE BIDEN

Hi there! RAMBLING, INTERMINABLE ANECDOTE. I’m Joe from Scranton! CONTRADICTION OF ADMINISTRATION POLICY, MISS MANNER’S GUIDE TO ETIQUETTE, LAWS OF PHYSICS. Oh dear Lord, what am I saying? CONVOLUTED APOLOGY, VAGUELY OFFENSIVE STORY.

ROBERT GIBBS

What I think the Vice President meant to say is REASONABLE STATEMENT BEARING NO RELATION TO ANYTHING HE SAID . Nevertheless, I’d like to take this time to apologize to the MINORITY GROUP , MAINSTREAM GROUP and FICTIONAL GROUP . In no way did he mean to imply that ETHNIC GROUP were incapable of ORDINARY DAILY ACTIVITY , or that we are all goin­­g to die. Finally, I’d like to clarify that HARRY POTTER VILLAIN is not an example for America’s youth. The Vice President regrets any offense his statements might have caused, and would apologize himself were he not now en route to a fact-finding mission in VERY DISTANT COUNTRY WITH NO PRESS CORPS .