BARACK OBAMA
My fellow Americans, It is with great pride that I stand before you today, for only in COUNTRY could the son of a woman from PLACE and a man from EXOTIC PLACE grow up to be TITLE .
If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.I am here this day to address the subject of CONTROVERSIAL SUBJECT . I am not the first president to address this issue, but I am determined to be the ORDINAL NUMBER .

Now let me be clear. There are those who say that we must choose between GOOD THING and GOOD THING . But I reject the false choice between OBVIOUS TRADEOFF . Make no mistake–In the middle of the worst crisis since CATACLYSMIC EVENT , we cannot afford to maintain the failed policies of the past NUMBER (8) years. Make no mistake. The status quo is no longer an option. Today I say to you, I am ready to listen to your ideas to solve this unprecedented crisis.

As Abraham Lincoln once said, our country is only as strong as its MAJOR POLICY INITIATIVE . Let me be clear; I do not blame my predecessor for BAD EVENT , BAD EVENT , and BAD EVENT .  I did, however, inherit the worst crisis since APOCALYPTIC EVENT .  The unprecedented strain these events have placed on CRUCIAL ELECTORAL SWING GROUP are clear throughout the country. So know this: OBVIOUS TAUTOLOGY .

Now, let me be clear. This will not happen in a matter of SMALL UNIT OF TIME (plural) , or even SLIGHTLY LARGER PERIOD OF TIME (plural) .

This is our chance to answer that OFFICE COMMUNICATIONS DEVICE . This is our moment. This is our time — to put our people back to work and enact MASSIVE GOVERNMENT PROGRAM for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth that while we breathe, we live, and where we are met with BAD FEELING , and BAD FEELING , and those who tell us that we can’t, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people: CORPORATE SLOGAN .

God Bless COUNTRY!